Cardan's POV after the events of TWK
by Doctor Susan Holmes
Summary: So this is Carden's take on things, set after the ending of The Wicked King, in which he explains the reason for why he did certain things and explores some of his feelings for Jude. I'm team Jurdan all the way 3 This has, in fact, nothing to do with CGiGT, it's just the only category I found relating to Holly Black, sorry you guys that were looking for that fandom's content!


The Wicked King left me in ruins and this was the only way of coping with my book hangover... Already posted this on AO3 and Tumblr if it sounds familar to some of you :)

Disclaimer: Don't own TWK/TCP or any of Holly Black's works or characters. #bettersavethansorry

* * *

Cardan had no recollection of how he made it back to the palace and into his rooms. Of how he'd departed from the place where he had probably made the wisest choice for the future of his kingdom and his dangerous heart but also possibly the biggest mistake of his immortal life.

What had his final words to Orlagh been? Where had she and Nicasia departed too? Had he called in a meeting with the remaining Living Council to discuss how to proceed with Madoc and the army he'd so treacherously stolen from him?

He couldn't remember. All he saw, thinking back, was Jude.

How she'd been dragged down from her horse.

How she'd stared at him after he had announced her punishment – first in shock and disbelief, then with utter loathing and incomprehension, the impact of his betrayal clearly written in the wet and angry gleam of her eyes.

He heard her voice crying out to him that she was his queen and that he couldn't do that. And he heard the assembled Fae laughing at that _preposterous_ claim.

He would have liked to strangle every one of them for their impertinence. He would have liked to make it clear that Jude, in fact, was his queen and there would never be another, that they should accept her as ruler or else face the consequences of _their_ shared wrath.

But he couldn't have done that. He had had to follow through with his plan: He had had to laugh at her as well.

He had had to exile her.

Make her hate him in the process but at least keep her safe from herself and any further stupid actions on her part. Keep her safe from Fairy and any injuries and near deaths it would bring her.

He could not cope with her being hurt, much less with her being dead – not after what happened to her with Orlagh in the Undersea.

When the truce had been called and he finally got to see Jude again, after the most agonizing month of his existence, he had been chilled to the bone – as if he had just risen from the ice-cold depths of the Undersea himself.

Jude had looked like a wraith – pale as snow, lips cracked and blue, her beautiful eyes dull and sunken. And she had lost so much weight. One month and she looked like she had been starving for years.

That image would forever be burned into his memories. It would forever haunt his nightmares. It already had for the last three nights – when he'd tossed and turned and got no rest, his thoughts always returning to Jude and how she was doing, whether she was alright, what he could do to make sure something like this would never happen to her again.

Especially now that it was even more imperative than ever to keep her safe, with Madoc on the lose, intent on putting her in her place, at best, and getting rid of her as worst case scenario. Now, that Madoc had truly accepted her as his equal and was bound to treat her as such…

Yesterday evening he'd finally come up with a semi-decent plan, and Jude had given him just the perfect opportunity to enact it…

It was a small prize to pay really, sending her away from his side – in a way, letting her go. Cardan was prepared to suffer this new kind of heartache that came with losing her and her possibly _hating_ him for real and forever after this. As long as it meant she'd be safe and alive.

And she would be safe with Vivi and Oak in the Mortal World while he took care of Madoc, the Undersea and anyone who still opposed him.

And he would strengthen his reign, too. Become a king worthy of fairy. Equal to Eldred, if not better than his father. He finally realized what it meant to rule. He finally accepted the lot that Jude had dealt him.

At first he had been so angry with her and furious about their bargain, and swore to himself that he would make her pay for playing him like that. But during the shared five months of their reign he had had plenty time to think and realized two things:

He didn't mind Jude holding the strings as much as he'd at first thought – except for some instances when she would drive him crazy with her little, uncalled for insecurities and trust issues. Then again he was amazed that she was cunning and strategic enough to think of almost every loophole and that her decisions and running the kingdom was rather formidable at that.

But he also, secondly, realized, that it couldn't go on like that and he had to finally grow up and pull the strings himself. That month in which Jude was gone had proven it and he never wanted to feel as helpless and lost as he had felt that first week without her ever again. And to become the king Fairy needed Jude had to go as well. At least for a little while.

Once all that was done, and he also deemed Fairy safe again, he would pardon Jude and welcome her back.

If she forgave him and just felt relieved for being welcomed back all would be well.

If she came back simmering with rage and bent on revenge, unable to forgive him, he would be fine with that too. He would learn to cope with her hatred. He had done it once before after all.

But that was before they'd crossed that _one_ _fateful line_. Before he was no longer able to tell her how much he hated her because that had turned into a lie. Before seeing Jude and even just thinking about her had begun to make his heart feel like a butterfly trapped in his rib cage.

He certainly could not go back to a time before. Not after he'd tasted her lips – sweeter than the Everapple – not after he'd seen and got to know every bare inch of her and found it more beautiful than any of the Folk could ever be. Not after he had made that most sacred and ostentatious of vows in making her his wife – his queen.

It actually was a bit ironic how Jude – a master of strategy and deceit and lies – was unable to notice when she was made a pawn of one. First the Ghost – now Cardan himself – and both times Jude had just _accepted_ the deception but not thought an inch further.

It was probably testament to his reputation as the cruel and capricious prince and his inability to just have told her about his true feelings, when he still could have, that she immediately accepted him discarding her so roughly and seemingly without caring in the least. That she though it to be an act of revenge and getting back at her for his brother's death and that stupid bargain… Despite what had clearly happened between them. Despite him making her queen. Making her his equal. She still couldn't _see_.

Truth be told: He had been a bit cross with her for killing his brother, even though he'd implored her not to, and then had not told him the truth although he had thought they were past secrets and finally trusting each other. At least he had trusted her… when he had mistaken Taryn for her…

It still nettled him.

He didn't know how he could have made such a grievous mistake. Taryn and Jude might be twins but to him they couldn't look more different. He should have recognized her to be Taryn, even with some of the poison still in his system. The antidote had already been working…

But his mind had clearly not…

Still, it didn't make any sense… or maybe he just didn't want to admit how stupid he had been to even trust Jude enough to be able to make that mistake. Maybe it was in that moment that he had realized loving her was a weakness in more than one aspect. That he actually needed to be rid of her…

Not only made it Jude vulnerable to attacks that were meant for him or to get her out of the way. She could also get hurt, thinking that she had to protect him and give her life for his as High King. The latter just owing to Oak still not being ready to take the throne of course– not because of certain feelings on her part… No, she had made it clear that she didn't reciprocate the feelings he so obviously had for her.

But it, also, made him vulnerable because Jude meant too much to him. Because he didn't want to see her hurt or dead. Because she could be used as leverage again. Because he could, in a bad moment, fall for a deceit of Taryn's again and he wanted to make sure she was the only twin around and that there was no one there to confuse her with…

And he, moreover, feared that, as much as Jude might be able to hold her ground, at some point or against a certain someone she would not be able to compete…

What had happened in the Undersea had already proven that she was not invincible and still annoyingly mortal and fragile…

Jude burned too bright and if she didn't look out – which she, frustratingly enough, didn't – her candle would burn away to nothing too soon, and it was now his mandate to make sure her candle burned a lot longer than her careless, stupidly fearless demeanor allowed for…

In the mortal world she could first of all get back her strength and, secondly, learn to re-evaluate her life and, hopefully, when she came back, she would understand all this…

Someone cleared their throat behind him.

Cardan was cut out of his thoughts and reveries and turned towards the sound. It was the Bomb – Lilliver. "You summoned me, my High King?" she said and eyed him with concern.

Cardan took a second to collect himself and then remembered why he'd asked her to his side: "Yes, Lilliver, I have an important task for you. I trust you to go about it diligently and as discretely as possible…"

Lilliever throwned: "What is it? Why do you sound like it's going to be possibly awful and / or dangerous?"

"In a way it is", Cardan huffed a small laugh, "I want you to watch over Jude. Look that she's safe, that she's doing well. Report to me every day. But don't engage her! – She mustn't know that you're there! That's why it is a rather difficult task – should she find out you're there, she could possibly react a bit harshly. But I'm only assuming this… She could also be fine with discovering you – she likes you, after all… Anyway, should you be discovered by her at some point, don't tell her who sent you! Understood?"

"Alright," Lilliver just replied and bowed, a task was a task and she would go about it immediately, not questioning it. With that she turned and left the room, leaving Cardan too his own devices yet again.

Cardan sighed and set out to call in a meeting with the Living Council. He hardened his heart and concealed his true feelings as he was used to doing and began his work: He had a kingdom to run.


End file.
